Lately, it has been hot, so I decided to do something that would make life a little easier. I cooked a bunch of different meals in the crock pot, put them into containers, and froze them. That way, when the weather is hot, I wouldn't have to do much cooking. Then a flyer came in from the local Mexican market. They had pineapples, plantains, mangoes, watermelon, cucumbers—fresh fruits and vegetables at really good prices. They also had beef shanks. So after the gym, I had my caretaker take me to the store. I already had plenty of food at home. I had meals in the freezer, food in the refrigerator, and everything I needed. I wasn't going to the store because I was running out of food. But when I got there, something happened. I felt happy. The store was colorful and full of fresh food. I could choose one of this, two of that, three of something else. I wasn't limited to whatever quantity happened to come in a package. I could actually look at what I wanted and decide what I wa...
How Do They Expect Me to Survive?
I finally made the call to disability, hoping for answers, hoping for movement, hoping for something that feels like progress.
Instead, I got more waiting.
My file finally got back to my caseworker after several months, and it still has to go to the doctor for review. But now more medical records need to be ordered because I’ve had another surgery and more medical treatments done. So I go back into the wait game.
It’s exhausting.
I was sent to see an internist, which only added to my confusion because it didn’t make sense at all. It left me a bit scared and doubtful because he didn’t ask me any questions at all. I expected a disability evaluation to include basic questions like how long can I sit, how far can I walk, do I need assistance, what are my daily limitations, how does pain affect my functioning.
Instead, it didn’t feel like that. It felt brief, procedural, and disconnected from what I’m actually living through. And I walked away thinking, how does this actually determine whether I can work or not?
At the same time, I’ve had to deal with the attorney side of this too, and almost a year after the accident everything is still moving at a snail’s pace. Records, filings, clarification, waiting on next steps that don’t seem to come.
And life doesn’t pause for any of it. Rent is still due. Utilities are still due. Food still costs money.
That’s where the frustration builds, because it’s not just that things are hard, it’s that everything feels stuck in delay.
I went to social services and asked about cash aid, trying to see if there was any help available while I waited.
They told me there is up to $300 in cash aid.
But if I’m receiving any kind of support—like GoFundMe or donations—I don’t qualify. And if I did receive it, I could have to pay it back.
So I’m basically told I don’t qualify for help because I’m barely making ends meet, and the support I do get from GoFundMe is already going toward catching up on past rent and survival.
And that part is what really hits.
Because I’m not asking for extra. I’m just trying to stay afloat while everything else is still in process.
Disability is still waiting on records. Still waiting on review. Still no timeline.
And every direction I turn, it’s another delay, another rule, another system that cancels out the last option.
At a certain point, it stops feeling like one problem and turns into constant pressure from every direction.
Legal delays. Medical evaluations. Financial uncertainty. Physical recovery. Administrative confusion.
And through all of it, life keeps moving forward without slowing down to match what I can handle.
This is the part nobody really prepares you for.
Not just the injury, but everything that comes after it.
And in that gap between urgency and systems that move slowly, I’ve learned something I didn’t want to learn, but had to anyway:
Nobody is coming to fix this quickly.
So I keep going anyway.
Not because the system moved.
But because I did.
I'm doing everything I can to rebuild my life after losing my leg in a devastating car accident, but recovery doesn't stop the bills from coming. If my story touches your heart and you'd like to help me keep a roof over my head and continue my healing journey, please consider donating to my GoFundMe or sharing it with others. Every act of kindness truly makes a difference.
disability waiting process, catastrophic injury recovery, amputee survivor, financial hardship, disability benefits delay, car accident survivor, medical trauma, resilience after trauma, GoFundMe support, navigating social services
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