Lately, it has been hot, so I decided to do something that would make life a little easier. I cooked a bunch of different meals in the crock pot, put them into containers, and froze them. That way, when the weather is hot, I wouldn't have to do much cooking. Then a flyer came in from the local Mexican market. They had pineapples, plantains, mangoes, watermelon, cucumbers—fresh fruits and vegetables at really good prices. They also had beef shanks. So after the gym, I had my caretaker take me to the store. I already had plenty of food at home. I had meals in the freezer, food in the refrigerator, and everything I needed. I wasn't going to the store because I was running out of food. But when I got there, something happened. I felt happy. The store was colorful and full of fresh food. I could choose one of this, two of that, three of something else. I wasn't limited to whatever quantity happened to come in a package. I could actually look at what I wanted and decide what I wa...
Beyond Tithing: Letting Go of Guilt and Rethinking Abundance
I've struggled with this for a long time.
Recently, I watched a video about a man who confronted a pastor because his elderly mother was on a fixed income. She couldn't even make it to the end of the month, yet she faithfully tithed every week. The son asked the pastor, "What are you doing for the elderly?"
The pastor's response was, "Everybody's allowed to tithe."
That answer honestly blew my mind.
It also brought back a lot of my own experiences.
There were times I didn't even want to go to church because I felt guilty that I couldn't afford to tithe. I grew up hearing that you were supposed to give 10% of your income because that's what the Bible says. I heard that if you don't tithe, you won't receive God's blessings, and those who give freely will be blessed even more.
Whether that's exactly what's being taught or not, that's how it felt to me.
It made me feel like I hadn't paid for my seat. Like I hadn't paid for my blessings.
Instead of drawing me closer to God, it made me pull away because I already felt ashamed enough about my financial situation.
Someone once told me, "Give where you're spiritually fed."
That made a lot more sense to me.
I've attended churches where I was simply trying to stay connected to God's Word, but I never really felt spiritually fulfilled. There were too many things happening that didn't sit right with me.
I only found one church where everything came together. I left every Sunday feeling closer to God, inspired, and like I was truly walking in the Spirit.
Then I moved away, and not long afterward, that pastor passed away.
I've never found that same connection again.
During the pandemic, I knew a couple who pastored a small neighborhood church. Money had completely dried up. I finally landed one small photography job that paid me $300.
The pastor's wife asked me, "Are you tithing?"
I told her I wasn't even a member of a church, and I didn't attend theirs. I only knew them because they lived in my neighborhood.
She said, "Well, you have to tithe. You have to give God His percentage."
I remember thinking...
So God needs my $30?
I'm barely surviving. Bills are piling up. The world is shut down. I have almost no income coming in.
Does God really need my $30 that badly?
If God knows I'm struggling to survive, where are His blessings? Where is His help? Where is the church's help?
I was struggling. I was barely getting by.
Aren't churches supposed to help people who are struggling?
Instead, I felt like someone wanted what little I had left.
That moment really made me question things.
Where was God when everything I had spent years building started falling apart?
Where was God when I laid awake wondering how I was going to pay my bills?
After I rebuilt my business following the pandemic and finally started feeling somewhat normal again after my stroke in 2020, I found myself asking those same questions after a near-death accident that changed my life in an instant.
Where was God through the uncertainty of what my future even looked like?
I've never stopped believing in God.
I've just struggled to understand why some seasons of life feel so difficult when all I do is try. I use my talents and gifts, and I give, help, and donate. Why am I paying this price? Is God really mad at me because I couldn't give Him ten percent?
Not long ago, someone told me, "Don't question God. Just walk in faith."
I've heard that before.
But what do you do when you've been walking in faith and everything around you is still falling apart?
How much more faith am I supposed to have?
I'm frustrated with people who are so quick to tell me what I should do with my money or how I should live my life when they've never walked a day in my shoes.
It's easy to tell someone to "just have faith" when your bills are paid.
It's easy to tell someone to tithe when you're not wondering how you're going to buy groceries or keep the lights on.
That's not faith. That's someone else's opinion. It's not about writing a check because someone told me God won't bless me if I don't.
My grandmother was one of the most generous people I've ever known.
She lived on a fixed income, yet every charity that called, she wrote them a check. Family members constantly asked her for money, and she gave it to them too. She gave to the church. She gave to charities. She gave to family.
She spent her whole life giving. But she never seemed to have enough for herself.
I watched her sacrifice over and over again, and I always wondered...
Where were the blessings that were supposed to come back to her?
That disconnect has always stayed with me.
Years ago, I bought books from Joyce Meyer's ministry. Before long, I started receiving letters asking for donations. Then more letters. Then phone calls telling me Joyce Meyer needed my help.
I remember laughing because I was living in a 630-square-foot house, trying to survive.
She lived in a mansion and had a worldwide ministry.
And somehow I was being told she needed my help. Meanwhile, I could have used some help myself.
That never made sense to me.
I also struggle with seeing churches raise money to help people halfway around the world while people sitting in their own communities are quietly falling apart.
But we shouldn't overlook the people right in front of us either.
Right now, I'm still living that reality.
I'm still waiting on disability after filing months ago because of someone else's mistake.
And through all of this, I've asked myself...
Where is the church?
Where are the people who always talked about helping others?
Over the past couple of years, I've also started learning about abundance, manifestation, and the law of attraction.
Not because I've abandoned my faith.
But because I realized how many of my beliefs about money came from guilt, fear, and obligation instead of possibility.
I started questioning everything—not because I stopped believing in God, but because the belief system I had been taught no longer seemed to fit the reality I was living.
After recovering from a stroke, and then recovering from a devastating accident that changed my entire life, I found myself asking questions I had never asked before.
I needed a way of thinking that gave me hope, helped me take action, and reminded me that I still had power in my own life.
That's what led me to explore manifestation, the law of attraction, energy, and abundance thinking.
I was searching for a way to believe in possibilities again.
As Christians and believers in God, we're taught to pray about everything and trust in God.
And I believe in prayer.
But I also know what it's like to pray and pray and pray for something to change, and when it doesn't, you start wondering:
Why isn't this working?
Why isn't God answering me?
Why isn't anything changing?
I learned about the idea of effort—not effort in the sense of working hard or taking action, but effort in the sense of forcing something.
Wanting something so badly that you become attached to the outcome. Trying to control every detail. Living from a place of fear and desperation.
Sometimes when we try too hard to force one specific outcome, we can actually block the very thing we're trying to create.
We become so focused on what we don't have that we continue living in fear, lack, and struggle.
That really made me think.
Instead of constantly asking, "Why isn't this happening? Why isn't this working?"
I shifted my beliefs by changing my mindset, recognizing opportunities, taking inspired action, and believing there are possibilities I may not see yet.
It's about letting go of limiting beliefs, changing the way I think about money, and moving away from fear, worry, and doubt.
I just know that somewhere along the way, something stopped making sense to me.
I still believe in God.
I still have faith.
But I also believe it's okay to explore other ideas and other ways of looking at money, abundance, and possibility.
This wasn't about walking away from God. It was about questioning the beliefs that made me feel afraid, guilty, and unworthy.
I had to start looking at money differently. I had to stop believing that fear and scarcity were the only ways to live.
Maybe faith isn't about guilt or obligation.
Maybe it's about trust, taking action, and believing that there are possibilities beyond what we can see right now.
Faith, Fear, and the Questions We're Afraid to Ask
I've struggled with this for a long time.
Recently, I watched a video about a man who confronted a pastor because his elderly mother was on a fixed income. She couldn't even make it to the end of the month, yet she faithfully tithed every week. The son asked the pastor, "What are you doing for the elderly?"
The pastor's response was, "Everybody's allowed to tithe."
That answer honestly blew my mind.
It also brought back a lot of my own experiences.
There were times I didn't even want to go to church because I felt guilty that I couldn't afford to tithe. I grew up hearing that you were supposed to give 10% of your income because that's what the Bible says. I heard that if you don't tithe, you won't receive God's blessings, and those who give freely will be blessed even more.
Whether that's exactly what's being taught or not, that's how it felt to me.
It made me feel like I hadn't paid for my seat. Like I hadn't paid for my blessings.
Instead of drawing me closer to God, it made me pull away because I already felt ashamed enough about my financial situation.
Someone once told me, "Give where you're spiritually fed."
That made a lot more sense to me.
I've attended churches where I was simply trying to stay connected to God's Word, but I never really felt spiritually fulfilled. There were too many things happening that didn't sit right with me.
I only found one church where everything came together. I left every Sunday feeling closer to God, inspired, and like I was truly walking in the Spirit.
Then I moved away, and not long afterward, that pastor passed away.
I've never found that same connection again.
During the pandemic, I knew a couple who pastored a small neighborhood church. Money had completely dried up. I finally landed one small photography job that paid me $300.
The pastor's wife asked me, "Are you tithing?"
I told her I wasn't even a member of a church, and I didn't attend theirs. I only knew them because they lived in my neighborhood.
She said, "Well, you have to tithe. You have to give God His percentage."
I remember thinking...
So God needs my $30?
I'm barely surviving. Bills are piling up. The world is shut down. I have almost no income coming in.
Does God really need my $30 that badly?
If God knows I'm struggling to survive, where are His blessings? Where is His help? Where is the church's help?
I was struggling. I was barely getting by.
Aren't churches supposed to help people who are struggling?
Instead, I felt like someone wanted what little I had left.
That moment really made me question things.
Where was God when everything I had spent years building started falling apart?
Where was God when I laid awake wondering how I was going to pay my bills?
After I rebuilt my business following the pandemic and finally started feeling somewhat normal again after my stroke in 2020, I found myself asking those same questions after a near-death accident that changed my life in an instant.
Where was God through the uncertainty of what my future even looked like?
I've never stopped believing in God.
I've just struggled to understand why some seasons of life feel so difficult when all I do is try. I use my talents and gifts, and I give, help, and donate. Why am I paying this price? Is God really mad at me because I couldn't give Him ten percent?
Not long ago, someone told me, "Don't question God. Just walk in faith."
I've heard that before.
But what do you do when you've been walking in faith and everything around you is still falling apart?
How much more faith am I supposed to have?
I'm frustrated with people who are so quick to tell me what I should do with my money or how I should live my life when they've never walked a day in my shoes.
It's easy to tell someone to "just have faith" when your bills are paid.
It's easy to tell someone to tithe when you're not wondering how you're going to buy groceries or keep the lights on.
That's not faith. That's someone else's opinion. It's not about writing a check because someone told me God won't bless me if I don't.
My grandmother was one of the most generous people I've ever known.
She lived on a fixed income, yet every charity that called, she wrote them a check. Family members constantly asked her for money, and she gave it to them too. She gave to the church. She gave to charities. She gave to family.
She spent her whole life giving. But she never seemed to have enough for herself.
I watched her sacrifice over and over again, and I always wondered...
Where were the blessings that were supposed to come back to her?
That disconnect has always stayed with me.
Years ago, I bought books from Joyce Meyer's ministry. Before long, I started receiving letters asking for donations. Then more letters. Then phone calls telling me Joyce Meyer needed my help.
I remember laughing because I was living in a 630-square-foot house, trying to survive.
She lived in a mansion and had a worldwide ministry.
And somehow I was being told she needed my help. Meanwhile, I could have used some help myself.
That never made sense to me.
I also struggle with seeing churches raise money to help people halfway around the world while people sitting in their own communities are quietly falling apart.
But we shouldn't overlook the people right in front of us either.
Right now, I'm still living that reality.
I'm still waiting on disability after filing months ago because of someone else's mistake.
And through all of this, I've asked myself...
Where is the church?
Where are the people who always talked about helping others?
Over the past couple of years, I've also started learning about abundance, manifestation, and the law of attraction.
Not because I've abandoned my faith.
But because I realized how many of my beliefs about money came from guilt, fear, and obligation instead of possibility.
I started questioning everything—not because I stopped believing in God, but because the belief system I had been taught no longer seemed to fit the reality I was living.
After recovering from a stroke, and then recovering from a devastating accident that changed my entire life, I found myself asking questions I had never asked before.
I needed a way of thinking that gave me hope, helped me take action, and reminded me that I still had power in my own life.
That's what led me to explore manifestation, the law of attraction, energy, and abundance thinking.
I was searching for a way to believe in possibilities again.
As Christians and believers in God, we're taught to pray about everything and trust in God.
And I believe in prayer.
But I also know what it's like to pray and pray and pray for something to change, and when it doesn't, you start wondering:
Why isn't this working?
Why isn't God answering me?
Why isn't anything changing?
I learned about the idea of effort—not effort in the sense of working hard or taking action, but effort in the sense of forcing something.
Wanting something so badly that you become attached to the outcome. Trying to control every detail. Living from a place of fear and desperation.
Sometimes when we try too hard to force one specific outcome, we can actually block the very thing we're trying to create.
We become so focused on what we don't have that we continue living in fear, lack, and struggle.
That really made me think.
Instead of constantly asking, "Why isn't this happening? Why isn't this working?"
I shifted my beliefs by changing my mindset, recognizing opportunities, taking inspired action, and believing there are possibilities I may not see yet.
It's about letting go of limiting beliefs, changing the way I think about money, and moving away from fear, worry, and doubt.
I just know that somewhere along the way, something stopped making sense to me.
I still believe in God.
I still have faith.
But I also believe it's okay to explore other ideas and other ways of looking at money, abundance, and possibility.
This wasn't about walking away from God. It was about questioning the beliefs that made me feel afraid, guilty, and unworthy.
I had to start looking at money differently. I had to stop believing that fear and scarcity were the only ways to live.
Maybe faith isn't about guilt or obligation.
Maybe it's about trust, taking action, and believing that there are possibilities beyond what we can see right now.
Today, I find myself in a place where I have to be open to receiving help.
I have always been someone who gave, helped, and showed up for others. This season of my life has taught me that sometimes we have to allow others the opportunity to show up for us too.
After losing my leg in a devastating accident, losing my independence, and facing a long road of recovery, I am rebuilding my life one step at a time.
If you are unable to donate, sharing my GoFundMe with others is also a meaningful way to help.
Thank you to everyone who has supported me, encouraged me, and stood by me during this journey. I appreciate every kindness more than words can express.
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faith and money, church tithing, Christian guilt, abundance mindset, manifestation and faith, law of attraction, money beliefs, spiritual growth, questioning faith, overcoming scarcity
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