Lately, it has been hot, so I decided to do something that would make life a little easier. I cooked a bunch of different meals in the crock pot, put them into containers, and froze them. That way, when the weather is hot, I wouldn't have to do much cooking. Then a flyer came in from the local Mexican market. They had pineapples, plantains, mangoes, watermelon, cucumbers—fresh fruits and vegetables at really good prices. They also had beef shanks. So after the gym, I had my caretaker take me to the store. I already had plenty of food at home. I had meals in the freezer, food in the refrigerator, and everything I needed. I wasn't going to the store because I was running out of food. But when I got there, something happened. I felt happy. The store was colorful and full of fresh food. I could choose one of this, two of that, three of something else. I wasn't limited to whatever quantity happened to come in a package. I could actually look at what I wanted and decide what I wa...
Releasing the hidden blocks to love, trust, and abundance that I didn't realize I was carrying.
I realized something today during a tapping session called I Am Love.
The question came up: When did I cut myself off from love?
The first answer that surfaced was after my dad died. The grief was so overwhelming that I turned inward. I withdrew from the world, stopped doing the things that once brought me joy, and quietly disappeared into myself. It felt safer to protect my heart than to risk feeling that kind of pain again.
But when I looked deeper, I realized it started even earlier.
When the mortgage industry crashed in 2007 and 2008, I lost my job and lived in constant fear of losing everything. I had built a successful life that required a substantial income to maintain, and suddenly I was forced to let go of memberships, activities, and the lifestyle I had known.
One of the hardest losses was my social circle.
Every weekend, my house was full of friends. I cooked, entertained, bought the food and drinks, and welcomed everyone in. Yet they almost always arrived empty-handed. When I finally admitted that I couldn't afford to keep footing the bill and asked them to contribute if they wanted to come over, the excuses began.
"I don't know where the grocery store is."
"I don't know where the liquor store is."
People who lived minutes away somehow couldn't figure it out.
Eventually I realized they weren't there for me. They were there for what I provided. So I ended those relationships.
In many ways, I watched my dad live the same story. When he had money, everyone wanted to be around him. When the money disappeared, so did the friends. I unknowingly repeated a pattern I had already witnessed.
Looking back now, I can also see that those experiences created energetic blocks and limiting beliefs that I carried for years. I began to associate money with loss, instability, and conditional relationships. I learned to believe that people only stayed when there was something to gain and that financial hardship meant isolation. Without realizing it, I closed my heart not only to love but also to abundance.
Then I moved to a new area and tried opening myself up again, only to be betrayed. So I retreated once more into the safety of my home, my solitude, and the unconditional love of my dog.
Today, though, I see something different.
I don't think I closed myself off because I didn't love myself. I've always had a healthy sense of who I am. I closed myself off because I stopped believing it was safe to receive love from others.
And in doing so, I also blocked myself from receiving support, generosity, opportunity, and prosperity. I built walls around my heart that unintentionally became walls around my relationship with money as well.
Today, I'm choosing to release those old stories.
I'm releasing the belief that people only love me for what I can provide.
I'm releasing the fear that money always disappears.
I'm releasing the idea that accepting help makes me weak or indebted.
I'm releasing the need to protect myself by shutting the world out.
Instead, I'm choosing to believe that healthy relationships are reciprocal, that abundance can flow in unexpected ways, and that love and money are both forms of energy meant to circulate freely.
I don't have lavish parties to offer anymore. I don't have money to attract opportunists. What I have is my wisdom, my experience, my resilience, and my heart.
And maybe that's exactly what should attract the right people.
This morning, a complete stranger donated $10 to my GoFundMe. Ten dollars may not seem like much, but to me it felt enormous. It wasn't about the amount—it was about the intention behind it.
Someone who likely doesn't have much themselves chose to share what they could with me.
That simple act cracked something open inside my heart.
For the first time in a long time, I didn't just feel gratitude. I felt loved.
Maybe this next chapter isn't about finding people who take from me. Maybe it's about allowing people to give, allowing myself to receive, and trusting that genuine love doesn't keep score.
I'm choosing to open my heart again—not blindly, but wisely.
I'm choosing to believe that kindness still exists.
I'm choosing to release every energetic block that has kept love, connection, and abundance at arm's length.
And I'm choosing to believe that I am worthy of receiving the same love I've spent my life giving to everyone else.
My healing journey didn't end with surviving—it continues every single day. As I rebuild my life after catastrophic injuries, every act of kindness helps me stay housed, continue my recovery, and move one step closer to independence.
If my story has touched your heart and you'd like to be part of that journey, please consider supporting my GoFundMe. Whether it's $10, $20, or simply sharing the campaign, every contribution is a reminder that compassion still exists and that none of us has to walk through life's hardest moments alone.
Thank you for believing in me and for helping me keep moving forward.
self-love, healing journey, EFT tapping, emotional healing, grief recovery, limiting beliefs, money mindset, relationship patterns, abundance mindset, energetic blocks, vulnerability, personal growth, trauma recovery, opening your heart, receiving love, resilience, trust, generosity, GoFundMe journey, transformation, mindset shift, life after loss, healing from betrayal, choosing love, emotional resilience, authentic living
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