Lately, it has been hot, so I decided to do something that would make life a little easier. I cooked a bunch of different meals in the crock pot, put them into containers, and froze them. That way, when the weather is hot, I wouldn't have to do much cooking. Then a flyer came in from the local Mexican market. They had pineapples, plantains, mangoes, watermelon, cucumbers—fresh fruits and vegetables at really good prices. They also had beef shanks. So after the gym, I had my caretaker take me to the store. I already had plenty of food at home. I had meals in the freezer, food in the refrigerator, and everything I needed. I wasn't going to the store because I was running out of food. But when I got there, something happened. I felt happy. The store was colorful and full of fresh food. I could choose one of this, two of that, three of something else. I wasn't limited to whatever quantity happened to come in a package. I could actually look at what I wanted and decide what I wa...
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For years, I lived with trauma so deep it tried to silence me—but instead of breaking me, it made me defiant. Everything my mother said to tear me down, I resisted. I became everything she said I couldn’t be.
My mother—the person who should have protected me—was instead the source of fear, pain, and rejection. She never offered love, safety, or validation. Instead, I lived in constant anxiety and terror. The beatings were daily. And when she wasn’t hitting me herself, she had trained my middle sister to take over. The abuse was relentless. Inescapable.
This was my childhood: a house ruled by violence, fear, and control.
What made it even darker was her involvement in witchcraft and black magic. She used it as a weapon—threatening me with curses, wishing me dead, and vowing she would outlive her children just to watch our lives unravel. I grew up under the heavy fear that I had been cursed by the one person who was supposed to nurture me.
Her cruelty didn’t stop there. She often recounted disgusting, graphic stories about my brother’s suffering—vomit, sickness, pain—as if showcasing her family’s worst moments gave her power. Meanwhile, she only called me when she needed something, never once acknowledging the decades of emotional and physical abuse.
My brother lived with her into adulthood. When he died suddenly, she expected I’d step in and care for her—as if I had ever been her chosen child. She had told me she didn’t love me. Didn’t like me. That she wished I were dead. And yet somehow… she thought I’d show up.
So weird.
My brother, too, played into the dysfunction. He sided with her, manipulated from a distance, and helped uphold the toxic family dynamic. Their codependent relationship left me isolated and erased. I’ve mourned what could have been—but I’ve also accepted what is. I had to walk away to save myself.
And despite the guilt rooted in Catholicism and culture, I’ve come to understand something powerful:
Choosing yourself is not selfish.
I will not carry the weight of obligation for a mother who made her choices and never made amends. My survival and peace are not betrayals—they’re reclamations.
Now, I am healing.
Through meditation, tapping (EFT), and the Hawaiian practice of Ho’oponopono, I’m clearing deep-rooted patterns and limiting beliefs. I’m no longer bound by her spells—not the literal ones, but the emotional ones. The psychological bindings that kept me trapped for decades.
I share this because I know I’m not the only one.
Many people live with the echoes of a toxic childhood, reliving trauma they thought they buried.
If you recognize your story in mine—if you’ve been hurt by the very people meant to love you—know this:
You are not alone.
You are not broken.
And you are not beyond healing.
Start where you are. Use what resonates. Whether it’s meditation, therapy, energy work, or spiritual practices—just begin. And let go of the guilt that binds you to people and patterns that no longer serve your life.
Your healing is your revolution.
Your peace is your power.
Ready to heal on a deeper level?
If you're carrying old wounds, emotional weight, or energy that was never yours to begin with—I'm here.
I offer trauma-informed coaching, intuitive energy healing, and spiritual support to help you release pain, break toxic cycles, and reconnect with the real you beneath the story.
If you’re ready to clear what’s stuck and open up space for peace, joy, and freedom—
Let’s walk this path together. You don’t have to do it alone.
🌿 You can learn more or connect with me at: Artful Living Coaching
Let’s start your healing journey—together.
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