Lately, it has been hot, so I decided to do something that would make life a little easier. I cooked a bunch of different meals in the crock pot, put them into containers, and froze them. That way, when the weather is hot, I wouldn't have to do much cooking. Then a flyer came in from the local Mexican market. They had pineapples, plantains, mangoes, watermelon, cucumbers—fresh fruits and vegetables at really good prices. They also had beef shanks. So after the gym, I had my caretaker take me to the store. I already had plenty of food at home. I had meals in the freezer, food in the refrigerator, and everything I needed. I wasn't going to the store because I was running out of food. But when I got there, something happened. I felt happy. The store was colorful and full of fresh food. I could choose one of this, two of that, three of something else. I wasn't limited to whatever quantity happened to come in a package. I could actually look at what I wanted and decide what I wa...
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Let me be honest: this is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
I’m diving deep into Dr. Joe Dispenza’s teachings, and while they resonate with every fiber of my being, the process has been anything but easy. I started with You Are the Placebo, where he teaches that everything happening in our lives—including our health—is influenced by our thoughts, beliefs, and the energy we hold. According to Dr. Joe, we can heal through meditation, thought, and belief. And although I believe that’s true, practicing it has cracked me open in ways I didn’t expect.
I jumped into the You Are the Placebo meditation… and I struggled. This wasn’t a beginner-friendly “close your eyes and imagine a waterfall” meditation. It was intense. Advanced. My brain rebelled. My body rebelled. Every five minutes, a part of me screamed, “This is boring! What are we doing this for?” Meanwhile, my chickens were squawking, my cats were hungry, the dog wanted a treat, and I couldn’t stop thinking about what I’d eat for lunch. Sound familiar?
Still, I persisted—because something inside of me knows that healing happens when we keep showing up. But the truth is, I felt lost. Overwhelmed. The science in his books made sense, but the steps felt unclear. I wanted a roadmap: “Step 1, Step 2, Step 3.” Instead, I was left wandering through theory and transformation without a guide.
Then I moved on to Becoming Supernatural—a book that is absolutely amazing. It resonates deeply. The content, the theories, the stories of healing—it all makes sense on a soul level. It’s inspiring. But then came the nine different meditations. And suddenly, I was back to feeling unsure again. I found myself thinking, If I struggled with the Placebo meditations, how am I supposed to master all nine of these? Some are long. Some are layered. Some are confusing.
Dr. Joe explains the science, the energy, the brainwaves, the quantum field—and it clicks, but at the same time, I’m left wondering: How do I actually do this? There’s no “start here” or “beginner's path.” There’s no breakdown of “first get comfortable with this meditation, then try this one next.” I was craving guidance. A sequence. Something that tells me how to build my practice step by step. Instead, I was diving into deep water with no floaties.
So I went backward. I picked up his earlier book, Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself. And that’s when the tears came.
The very first meditation broke me open. I got angry. I cried. I felt frustrated and raw. But deep down, I knew: this is exactly what I need. Because I’ve been living my life on repeat. Same emotional patterns. Same toxic relationships. Same financial rollercoasters. Same stories playing out over and over again.
And Dr. Joe says it clearly—our bodies become addicted to the past. Our nervous systems, our cells, our very chemistry… they get wired to old emotions. To pain. To lack. To unworthiness. And if we don’t unwire it, we keep reliving it.
I’ve had to confront that I’ve been body-strong, not headstrong. My body has been running the show. Craving comfort, distraction, chaos. Avoiding presence. Wanting to “do” instead of just “be.” And meditation? That asks me to be—with myself, my emotions, and the pain I never fully cleared.
See, I’ve been through a lot. A stroke. Loss. Heartbreak. Toxic relationships. Financial setbacks. People who only wanted me for what I could give—and when I had nothing left, they wanted more. I pushed them all out eventually, but the energy of those experiences? It stayed. It settled. It got stuck.
I didn’t clear it. I isolated. I shut down. I stopped trusting.
Now, at almost 60, I’m not trying to start over. I’m trying to rise up. Reconnect. Clear what’s stagnant. Rewrite the script. Rewire my brain and body to align with my future—not my past. I’m using everything I can: EFT tapping, Ho’oponopono, somatic practices. I’m learning to trust again—not just others, but myself. My intuition. My vision. My worth.
This healing journey isn’t neat. It’s not easy. It’s emotional, messy, inconvenient, and sometimes it feels like I’m getting worse before I get better. But I know now—that’s the work.
And I want this. I want to attend Dr. Joe’s retreats one day—not as someone just beginning, but as someone who knows how to break the habit of being herself. I want to show up for myself in a way I never have before.
This is my path. My mission. My healing.
And if you’re on a similar journey, just know… you’re not alone. Keep going.
If this resonates with you, I’d love to hear your story. Are you working through old patterns too? Have you tried Dr. Joe Dispenza’s meditations or something else that cracked you wide open?
Drop a comment, share your experience, or reach out to connect. Healing isn’t meant to be done alone—and maybe, just maybe, we can rise together.
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